“It’s Like Talking to a Brick Wall” Breaking Down Communication Barriers Between You and Your College Graduate

by Hallie Crawford, MA, CPCC

Banners have been going up in neighborhoods around town spotlighting the festive occasion of high school and college graduations. But for some parents, these monumental milestones may be dampened by the fact that many of these beloved graduates will be returning to the roost for an undetermined – and perhaps unwelcome – length of stay.

In fact, the U.S. Census Bureau reports that 56% of men and 43% of women between the ages of 18 and 24 live with one or both parents. Just when you thought all that hard work and years of training had gotten the little darlings out and on their own, there they are again, returning to their old familiar habits and back under your roof.

It’s Not the Time to be Overly Accommodating

Some advice – now is not the time to be overly accommodating. You have to hold your own and establish guidelines upfront, while being supportive of their efforts to find their way. As recent grads, these not-quite-but-almost mature, young professionals may believe they are now more your equal than your offspring, and may not be interested in the wisdom you have garnered over the years. It is up to you to set the tone in communicating with your own college graduate who may be lost in order to help them become the grown up they are on the verge of becoming.

But getting started can be easier than it sounds when you feel like all you’re doing is talking to a brick wall. How do you begin to break through that facade to effectively guide your all-knowing graduate who, in actuality, may not know what to do next in their life or career?

First Off, Listen…Really Listen

By establishing a one-on-one open line of communication you’ll be setting the tone and letting your graduate know that you are on the same team. Set aside time to sit down together without other distractions, and you’ll show them that you value their thoughts. And who doesn’t want to feel that their opinions are valuable? Use open-ended questions and acknowledge their feelings and ideas.

Reserve the Right to Offer Advice

When you think you have an understanding of their perspective, reserve the right to offer advice. That’s right, reserve offering advice. Yes, it’s easier said than done. But instead, ask if they would like your advice.

With permission, go ahead and enter into that often rocky territory. And once there, pull from your own past experiences – your failures, as well as your successes. It’s refreshing for young adults to see that even their parents have had bumps in the road of life. It helps to level the playing field and creates a real atmosphere of give and take.

Spell Out Expectations

With a clear dialog in place, lay out a plan of expectations, establishing what it is they want from you and how you can best support them, as well as spelling out what you expect of them.

Together, you can set up a financial plan for which bills they are responsible and which ones you will pay, along with a timeline of how long this arrangement will last. You may also set goals for when they will physically be on their own, or at least land an interim job to help achieve their short-term financial goals. The more you treat them as an adult, the more – surprise – they will rise to the occasion and act like one!

Armed with these communication tools, you will be able to chisel away at the brick wall with which so many college graduates return home. So go on and celebrate their graduation and then relish in the fact that even if they do return home for a stint, breaking down brick walls can facilitate better communication for years to come and set your graduate on the productive road to success.

Copyright 2008 Hallie Crawford. All rights reserved.

NOTE: Feel free to "reprint" this article as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the "about the author" info at the end).

About the Author: 

Help your college grad get on the right track!

Certified Career Coach Hallie Crawford specializes in helping recent college grads and boomerangs identify their ideal career path and make it happen. To schedule a complimentary consultation and find out more about Hallie visit http://www.halliecrawford.com or contact her at 877-298-6444.

Return to Articles Index